Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
