Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
