i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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