They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize