It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Randomize
