Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
