singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
