i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
i came on her dog
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
