Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Randomize
