All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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