Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
