They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
