You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
foreskin is a definite game changer
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
