Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
i believe in u and ur pee
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
