Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
You did what with his pubic hair?
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize
