someone threw a dead crab at me
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
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