I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Randomize
