So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
