he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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