i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
