today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
