I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Naked Twister starts at high noon
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Randomize
