Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
