Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Randomize
