I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize
