He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Randomize
