You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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