sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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