Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
the day after is always just damage control
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Randomize
