i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize