Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Randomize
