I think im going to throw up on grandma
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Randomize
