i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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