my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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