she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
I am puke
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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