i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Randomize
