uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
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