ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize
