she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Randomize
