I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
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