so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
