We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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