i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize