Your favorite bartender is back from prision
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
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