You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Randomize
