he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Randomize
