Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize