i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
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