I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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