Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
