After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
