just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Randomize
