My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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