I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
People with herpes should wear stickers.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
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