North Korea, Best Korea!
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
