I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Randomize
