I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Liz is crying about burritos again.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Randomize
