Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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