I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Randomize
