took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
