watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Randomize
