I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Randomize
