my mouth tastes like poor choices
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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