there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
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