4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
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