At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Randomize
