GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
