Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
