i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
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