Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
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