Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
