I want to walk on stilts...naked
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
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