Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
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