My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
