Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
