So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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