You're a womanizer and a bitch.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Randomize
