my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
My vagina is officially offended.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
